I'm so thankful that God isn't finished with me yet. I'm also thankful that He hasn't given up on me! I would have given up on me a long time ago. I had one of those days today where I just felt directionless and more than a little hopeless. I have them once in a while, usually when I'm feeling lonely. This has been kind of a hard summer for me. Not hard in comparison to all of the people in the world who are truly suffering, but hard in the sense that I have felt alone a lot of the time. Interesting how you can be in a house with two children and still feel alone.
Having an infant after being out of that stage for several years has been an adjustment. Because I like to keep her on a schedule I have been home most of the summer so that she can get her naps. Most of the time I'm not willing to suffer the consequences of being out and having her skip a nap. I guess I'm a chicken. But, because of that I have been home and it's mostly been just me and the kids. This has been a summer where Joshua has developed a strong desire to be around other kids. Very understandable, especially since I have a strong desire to be around other people too. But, that has meant that he has been gone more than usual, leaving me with an infant who is a lot of fun, but can't talk to me yet. All of this to say that I have been lonely this summer for friendship.
I know that some people are good-to-go to just have their family and occasionally talk with a friend on the phone. Others, like me, crave friendships where you are not the only one making the effort. Where the friend calls you and truly wants to know how your day is going. Where you get together as much as possible and you just talk. Where if you need to get laundry done, your friend helps you fold your socks. I had a friendship like that once and I miss it dearly!
With all of that said, I also know that a large part of my loneliness is due to the fact that I have been neglecting the most important relationship I have, which is with God. I tend to be pretty consistent if I am involved in a bible study, but when that stops I generally fall off the wagon. Well, unfortunately I have been off the wagon for so long that the dust has settled and I've lost sight of the wagon. That brings me back around to being thankful that God isn't finished with me and that He hasn't given up on me yet.
Continue to draw me to You Lord! Don't let my heart grow cold!! Fill the void in my heart where You belong!! Thank you so much for loving such sinner!
2 comments:
It is really tough to get out and about with a baby. Being lonely is one of the toughest things about being a mom with little ones. Everyone is busy with their lives and their kids, and it is hard to reach outside our comfort zone. I have dealt with this a lot. One thought I have is that I just started inviting people over to my house to have their kids play and then the moms can chat. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does it is a big dose of encouragement to me. Much love to you. Love, Rachel
Thanks Rachel! I know that other moms can relate. I just hadn't been in the boat for several years and now I remember how glad I was to "get out of it." Even thought I really didn't want to start, I think that getting back into school will help. Hope things go well for you when you start after Labor Day!
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